How interest gives rise to trust, how authentic trust gives control

“The mistake ninety-nine percent of humanity made, as far as Fats could see, were being ashamed of what they were, lying about it, trying to be somebody else. Honesty was Fats’ currency, his weapon and defense. It frightened people when you were honest; it shocked them. Other people, Fats had discovered, were mired in embarrasment and pretense, terrified that their truths might leak out, but Fats was attracted by rawness, by everything that was ugly but honest, by the dirty things about which the likes of his father felt humiliated and disgusted. Fats thought a lot about messiahs and pariahs; about men labeled mad or criminal; noble misfits shunned by the sleepy masses.”  – J.K. Rowling, The Casual Vacancy

“It is the nature, and the advantage, of strong people that they can bring out the crucial questions and form a clear opinion about them” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

           Ability to ‘extract’ the essence out of any statement, conversation or question. It requires you to see beyond the superficial level, so to dig into the core meaning, the exact place where your opinions should be formed. It all comes down to effectively paying attention and using what you’ve heard. It is the insider knowledge of the listener.
              Combined with observance, basic knowledge of body language, and some level of emotional maturity, you are armed with a perfect control tool. I may actually know exactly what you mean, but choose to pretend otherwise so to give you a free hand in deciding in which direction our conversation is going.
            This ‘control span’ ensures that you are rarely surprised in life, rather consciously exploring what constitutes the very first knot of trust and how distinctive threads are formed in the web of interpersonal relations.
                  And the first knot? You like any person who shows you some portion of attention; those who are not needy nor desperate, so when they pay attention to you, you actually know that this attention matters. It seems to be something special. They ask well-thought questions, often ask why, and often seek explanation of your choices. Seems like they have chosen you on the basis of who you are, not because they planned to become friends with just anyone.

 

How having too much to do > having nothing to do


I’m on the edge of it. I sense it. They all think I’m killing myself at this pace, but what they don’t understand is that I’m living at a peak of
clarity and beauty I never knew existed.

Every part of me is attuned to the
work. I soak it up into my pores during the day, and at night-in the moments
before I pass off into sleep-ideas explode into my head like fireworks. There
is no greater joy than the burst of solution to a problem. 

Incredible that anything could happen to take away this bubbling energy, the
zest that fills everything I do. It’s as if all the knowledge I’ve soaked in 
during the past months has coalesced and lifted me to a peak of light and
understanding.

This is beauty, love, and truth all rolled into one. This is joy. And now that I’ve found it, how can I give it up? Life and work are the most wonderful things a man can have. I am in love with what I am doing, because
the answer to this problem is right here in my mind, and soon – very 
soon – it will burst into consciousness.

Let me solve this one problem. I pray God it is the answer I want, but if not I will accept any answer at all and try to be grateful for what I had.

 

 Daniel Keyes – Flowers for Algernon